I can read women like a book

Yep, watch out ladies.

I can read women like a book.


Unfortunately, that book is written in Russian.

I get the general idea of what is going on but the details kind of elude me. (I was THIS close to a Russian minor back in the days of 'Dave goes to college Part One').

I was sitting on the bus and that came to me. No surprise there. I was actively thinking about that gender. More than usual, I mean. See, I'm compiling a big list (around 400 so far) of metal bands with female lead vocalists.

The natural question is WHY? WHY the h-e-double hockey sticks would I do that?

Well, you gotta have a thing, right? An outlet for intellectual curiousity if ya wanna get all brainy about it. A thing you do because doing things is pretty much the definition of being alive.

OK you say, but why this specific thing?

The response that pops to mind really has to be said in a certain way. On "That 70s Show", after Donna and Eric break up Eric is visited by an angel who guides him through a "Christmas Carol" style time trip. At one point his guide tells Eric they are going to see the future. Men Without Hats' "Safety Dance" begins playing. Eric exclaims, "What the HELL was THAT?"

The angel responds:

"Oh, you'll find out!"